Shared Lives stories

Tell us a bit about yourself...

My name is David Sunderland, and I have been a Shared Lives carer with the West Sussex Shared Lives Scheme since 2014, although Shared Lives has been part of my life for much longer than that. 

I actually grew up in a Shared Lives household after my parents became Shared Lives carers when I was a teenager, so supporting people to live fulfilling lives has always felt completely natural to me. 

My fiancée (now wife), Nikki, joined me as a full-time Shared Lives carer in 2019, and together we support 3 wonderful ladies who have become part of our family. Outside of Shared Lives, we love spending time together as a family with our daughter, Evelyn, exploring new places, visiting National Trust properties, going to farmers’ markets, enjoying days by the coast and creating lasting memories together.

What inspired you to become a Shared Lives carer?

Shared Lives has always been part of my life. My parents became Shared Lives carers when I was 15 (I’m now 47), and from the very beginning I saw how different it was from traditional care. It wasn’t just about providing support - it was about sharing everyday life, building genuine relationships and helping people live the lives they wanted.

Growing up alongside the people my parents supported taught me the importance of inclusion, independence, dignity and choice. I loved spending time with them, going on holidays, days out and simply enjoying life together.

Although I explored other careers, I always found myself coming back to care. When my parents began thinking about retirement, it felt like the natural next step to continue what they had started. It wasn’t just taking over a role - it was continuing a family legacy that I truly believe in.

Tell us about your role...

Every day is different, which is one of the things I love most about Shared Lives. Our role is to provide a safe, welcoming and supportive family home while enabling each person we support to live as independently as possible and make their own choices. We encourage people to develop their confidence, maintain relationships, access their communities and enjoy meaningful experiences.

Some days involve attending appointments, supporting people with daily living, cooking meals together or helping with finances. Other days might involve visiting a National Trust property, going shopping, enjoying a trip to the beach, visiting a farmers’ market for hot chocolate and sausage rolls, feeding llamas or even spending the day at Legoland.

Shared Lives isn’t about fitting people into a service - it’s about fitting support around the individual. We genuinely share our lives together, celebrating birthdays, holidays, achievements and everyday moments as one extended family.

What support do you receive from West Sussex County Council?

The support from the West Sussex Shared Lives Scheme has always been excellent.

My Shared Lives Worker is Sam, and I genuinely feel very lucky to have her. We have built a fantastic working relationship based on trust, openness and teamwork. We meet every 6 weeks for supervision and catch-ups, but she is always available by phone or email whenever I need advice, reassurance or guidance.

I honestly feel incredibly blessed to have Sam as my worker. She is approachable, supportive, knowledgeable and always wants the very best outcomes for both us as Shared Lives carers and the people we support.

The whole team at West Sussex County Council make you feel valued. There is always someone available to help, and you never feel like you’re managing things on your own.

What is your favourite thing about being a Shared Lives carer? 

Without question, it’s seeing people flourish. There is nothing more rewarding than supporting someone to build confidence, achieve goals, experience new things and live the life they choose. 

Whether that’s trying something for the first time, making new friendships, becoming more independent or simply seeing someone genuinely happy, those moments make everything worthwhile.

The relationships we build are incredibly special. The people we support aren’t clients to us - they’re part of our family, and we celebrate life’s ups and downs together.

How has being a Shared Lives carer changed your life or perspective? 

Shared Lives has shaped my whole life. It has taught me patience, empathy and the importance of seeing the person before the disability or support need. Everyone deserves opportunities, meaningful relationships and the chance to make their own choices.

It has also shown me that family isn’t always defined by biology. Our home is built around kindness, inclusion and shared experiences, and the people we support have enriched our lives just as much as we hope we’ve enriched theirs.

The arrival of our daughter, Evelyn, made this even more special. Watching the ladies proudly become her “Aunties” has been incredibly heart-warming and perfectly sums up what Shared Lives is all about.

If there is a myth you could bust about the being a Shared Lives carer, what would this be? 

The biggest myth is that Shared Lives is “just another care job.”

It isn’t.

Shared Lives is about relationships, belonging and sharing everyday life. It’s about supporting people to be active members of their communities, make their own decisions and live with dignity, choice and independence.

Yes, there are responsibilities, but there is also enormous flexibility, variety and reward. It becomes a way of life rather than simply going to work.

If there was one thing you could tell someone looking to become a Shared Lives carer, what would it be? 

If you have room in your heart, Shared Lives can be one of the most rewarding things you’ll ever do. You don’t need to be perfect - you simply need to be caring, patient and willing to share your life with someone else.

The difference you can make to someone’s happiness, confidence and quality of life is incredible, but you’ll probably find they change your life just as much in return.

How easy is it to fit Shared Lives around your lifestyle? 

One of the biggest strengths of Shared Lives is its flexibility. Because support is centred around the individual, you naturally build routines that work for everyone. It becomes part of everyday family life rather than feeling like separate work.

Having grown up in Shared Lives, the transition into becoming the main Shared Lives carer felt very natural for me. Over the years we’ve been able to build a life that works well for both our family and the people we support.

West Sussex Shared Lives have also been incredibly supportive throughout major life changes, including moving into our forever home and welcoming our daughter. Their support has helped us continue providing a stable, loving environment while adapting to new chapters in our own family life.

Can you describe being a Shared Lives carer in 3 words? 

Rewarding. Meaningful. Life-changing.

What makes this different from other care roles? 

I’ve experienced different areas of care throughout my life, including placements in hospices, nurseries and supporting children with additional needs. Shared Lives is completely different because it is genuinely person-centred and relationship based.

Rather than working shifts, we share everyday life together. We support people to live with independence, dignity, choice and belonging in a real family home, not an institution. You have the time to build lasting relationships, understand what matters to each individual and help them achieve their own goals and aspirations.

For me, Shared Lives doesn’t feel like going to work each day - it feels like sharing life together. Watching the people we support thrive, develop confidence and enjoy rich, fulfilling lives is an incredible privilege, and I genuinely can’t imagine doing anything else.